Episode 5: You Should Talk More

"But it's easier to bury my head in the sand sometimes/yes, it's easier to bury my head in the sand sometimes/and I know, I know, I know, it's not the right way to go/but I pray for the ground to swallow me whole."

                                                -Bastille, "Snakes"

    Everyone who's ever really known me has known that I'm a pretty quiet person. It's nothing against anyone, it's just the way I am. For whatever reason, I just happen to be a shy, antisocial person. And it's one of my biggest insecurities. I wish I would talk more, I wish I wasn't nervous about starting conversations. And it really doesn't help my insecurity when people point it out, hence the title of this post.

     I can think of several instances in my life where someone asked why I'm so quiet, or suggested that I talk more, like it's some kinda switch I can just flip on. "You should talk more!" Okay, yeah, sure thing. That's all I needed to hear. I'm an outgoing person now, all thanks to you!

    I know, or at least hope, that those people don't mean anything negative by it. But that doesn't make it any less annoying. No one likes having their flaws pointed out to them. You don't ask Danny DeVito or Kevin Hart why they're so short; they just are like that. I know that's a sketchy comparison, but you get my point.

      Now, I'm not saying this is some unchangeable affliction I can't escape from. I know people "come out of their shell". I know that many outgoing people weren't always that way. It's just the suggestion that I need to change myself, like people would rather have me forcibly change who I am than deal with me as I am, that bothers me.

Getting to Know Me

    I would say that I get more social with people the more time I spend with them, but I don't really know if that's truly the case. While I am very talkative with some people and they're all people I spend a lot of time with, there are people I spend a lot of time with who I'm still pretty quiet around. I don't know, I guess I'm an enigma.

Quiet Sense of Humor

    Most people who know about my social awkwardness also happen to know about my sense of humor. Despite me being so shy, I often think about a random funny quip I could say in a situation and can't help but say it. They're almost always hilarious. 

Talk to Me About Something I Like

   If you wanna hear me talk a lot, or have a good conversation with me, just ask me about one of my interests. I'll gladly have a long conversation about presidents, or superheroes, or tv shows, among other things. I often even find myself forcing these conversations on other people. My family group chat is plagued by me regularly emitting presidential facts, and random nonsense like the fact that Bob's Burgers isn't considered an adult cartoon but an animated sitcom.

Do I Like You?

    Sometimes, I fear that people think I must not like them because of how quiet I can be. Just to let y'all know, it's not because I don't like you. If I'm willingly around you, I at least tolerate you. In their song "3 O'Clock Things", AJR sings "it's kinda funny how I keep debating if someone's shy or if they hate me." Please just know that with me it's usually just the first thing.

In Conclusion

    Yes, I'm quiet. Yes, I know I should talk more. Just don't be mean about it.

See you next week for a very special episode. Just look at the date it will air and you can probably guess what it'll be about.